I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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