I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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