I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
