The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
