I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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