I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
