You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
third nipple confirmed
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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