I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
