i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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