ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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