She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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