Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
