My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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