remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
