Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
