I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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