I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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