ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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