Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You pole danced in your parka.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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