God, you're like boner-b-gone
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
