I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
