I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
