Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
