I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need a beard to bite.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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