I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
