Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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