Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
