in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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