So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
