Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
