Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
