There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
