i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
