so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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