im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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