I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
