the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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