yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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