Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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