saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.