Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
