your parents love me but you hate me
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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