her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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