Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
