She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
