Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I want her autograph on my taint
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
