I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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