They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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