I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
