Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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