i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize