Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
