I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
