If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
