I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
