I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
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Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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