So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
