It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
