So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
