I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
