you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
