This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize