I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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